It’s 2:38am
I’ve played 16 hours of the last 24 of video games. I figured out a way to get my focusme off my computer period. I thought it was just going to be a little bit, a couple hours, a few games after working for a long day.
It wasn’t. I literally played all day today.
It’s a fucking a problem.
I was thinking of what I need to substitute instead of video games as a reward, but I realized that’s another problem.
The process should be fun and it is, but I think that as a society we’re just wired to need a reward after work. Even though this is my best month yet! I still feel some kind of need for a reward.
At 10K /mo I’m getting a car, a real car – something fucking fast, cool looking.
I probably won’t be able to tell my parents because they are loaning me 50k for a deposit on my house. At 10K a month, I’ll be saving 5k easily and will pay it back quickly.
Enough ranting.
I’ve got a problem.
I know it.
This time it took me 24 hours to solve it – that’s a fucking record. (gave myself a pat on the back).
I went it, changed the password to my account, uninstalled everything and then changed the email to bogus email. (that’ll do the fucking trick)
I think about the I/R Theory a lot, and how maybe my “I” isn’t ready for success.
I’ve got to remind myself:
- How many late nights there were
- How many missed memories with my daughter I gave up to have what I have
- How much guts it took
- How many people told me “bad idea” “I wouldn’t do that” “a personal trainer should be a personal trainer” – yet I proved them all wrong.
I deserve every bit of this.
and more—
much more.